The Etiquette of Formal Meals in China

Over the course of the past month, I’ve had to survive countless formal meals with our partners in the Chinese government. These formal meals are important for the development of “guan xi,” a term that is hard to translate but sort of means relationships. Guan xi is an integral part of doing business in China and is developed over time over lunches and dinners, much like in the U.S. However, the level of binge drinking and smoking that takes place at these events has me convinced that many Chinese men are quite frankly, alcoholics. People toast each other left and right over the course of these meals, which usually takes place in private rooms within the restaurants and sometimes lasts hours, saying “gan bei,” which means dry glass. So people end up draining their glasses many times each meal. The bigger the glass, the more drunk people get. In addition to drinking beer, they drink “bai jiou” or “white wine” – a type of hard liquor made from red sorghum or another grain (it tastes sort of like tequila according to a colleague). It is generally considered really bad form to not drink when being toasted. The Chinese believe that willingness to drink a sign of honesty as liquor loosens tongues – it is a demonstration that you have nothing to hide.

In order to get things accomplished in China, our relationships with our partners at both the national, provincial and local levels are all extremely important. At each site we visited last month, we were served elaborate, multi-course meals, and of course, alcohol. It is impolite not to drink and no one wants to offend officials or doctors. As a woman, it has been tough, but not impossible to pass up the liquor with excuses that it is harder for you to drink as much as they can and take just a tiny sip of beer to placate them, but there is serious pressure to drink if you are a man. Some of these officials are seriously like tanks they can consume so much alcohol in one sitting. It feels sort of like initiation into a frat, with the drinking a part of the hazing (although the pressure to drink a lot stays pretty constant). One of the doctors I work with said that people have hold her that at the local, more grassroot level, the more you drink, the higher up you can go on the government ladder – basically, it’s a requirement to be successful. In addition, there is nothing one can do about the clouds of smoke. The restaurants even provide cigarettes at the table to patrons.

It is also important at these multi-course banquets to always ask what type of meat goes into a dish before trying it. In some areas, the specialty of the city/region is something that you don’t want to eat (like dog meat in Nanning) and they might order it for you to try. In Anhui, they ordered donkey at one of the dinners, which I managed to avoid.

I am still torn on whether it is okay to eat fruit without peeling it, raw vegetables and sushi. Every meal here is elaborate – breakfast is pretty much the same as lunch and dinner – when you’re on the road traveling with a bunch of Chinese doctors. I sort of miss a nice plain salad and a simple sandwich. But some people here wash their vegetables in a solution of diluted bleach to make it safe to eat. I’ve definitely had my fair share of raw fruits and veggies already(not washed with bleach) but so far it seems to be okay. And I was craving sushi so badly that I ate it twice this weekend even though my mom thinks I should avoid anything raw at all cost. I really miss the simplicity of fresh fish on a bed of rice. Maybe this is all just building up my immune system. Or maybe it’s just a matter of time before I inevitably get sick from being bad and ignoring professional advice on food safety. Arrgh.

I used to wonder why restaurants would only provide one copy of the menu to each table, regardless of the number of people in the party. Turns out it is the norm for one person to do all the ordering for the table. Ordering an elaborate, multi-course meal is considered an art. You have to pick several cold dishes to start, usually a soup and a variety of meat and vegetable dishes (usually heavy on meat since meals too heavy on vegetables might be taken as or considered an insult to the guests of honor at the meal) that not only highlights the specialties of the restaurant, but is also a visually pleasing blend of colors and a palatable mixture of flavors. I think you do get judged as a woman based on how well of a job you do at that. Something I need to work on since I don’t want to mess up if I were ever asked to do it for the table. However, luckily, most of the menus are thick, beautifully bound books with pictures of just about all the dishes (another reason why they only give you one per table – they must be really expensive to print). They are fun to flip through and make it easy for even a foreigner who can’t speak Chinese to order a meal. You can eat really well by just pointing at pictures. Bon appétit!